Why Western men often end up with a bad Thai Girlfriend

Post by **jingjai** » March 12, 2011, 9:02 am

Two interesting articles, IMO:

http://www.thaigirlfriendadvisor.com/wh ... irlfriend/

Why Western men often end up with a bad Thai Girlfriend
With this post I want to talk about some of the reasons Farang men end up with a bad Thai Girlfriend and it may not be quite what you are thinking.

Now I must warn you before you read this post because I will touch on some deep and sensitive issues about not just why western men get a bad Thai girlfriend but something deeper about the human psychology involved in that….. and it may touch a nerve or two!

Now just let me say that some of you may find this difficult to read…..but my purpose is not to hurt or upset you. My purpose is to help you see that what has happened to you also has reasons within you. And I want to help you face it accept it understand it and then move on from it to a better place…a place where you may finally find real love but at the very least a sense of release within yourself.

Many of you reading this may have had a relationship with a Thai girlfriend and have had a bad experience

You see I don’t like to upset people or argue with negative thinking and attitudes but sometimes to help ourselves we first must face some truth about ourselves and that is not always comfortable. Many of you reading this may have had a relationship with a Thai girlfriend and have had a bad experience, some of you may have even been married and it all ended badly. Some of you maybe just thinking about getting a Thai girlfriend or just starting a relationship with a Thai girl and in that case I want you to be clear on what you are getting involved with.

Now its up to you if you choose to ignore or dismiss these things….if you do then it means you will just continue with how things are. But if you want to move on finally..if you want to release yourself from your own pain, sadness, bitterness or even anger then just have a little faith and belief and think about what I say here.

There is nobody just controlling your life and making decisions for you without you having anything to do with it

You see to change anything about our life we must first change our thinking because what we are is in fact what we think. Life does not just happen to us……..there is nobody just controlling your life and making decisions for you without you having anything to do with it. We all create the life we live, whether consciously or subconsciously.

So let me ask you how do you think you came to attract this situation into your life? What do you think caused this to happen to you?

What would you say if the answer is You!

Maybe you believe it was just bad luck but do you really want to believe it was just bad luck…..wouldn’t that just be an easy excuse to not take responsibility for your own actions? Think about this for a moment…When you create something good in your life you like to feel good about yourself…you like to tell people what a great decision you made and you feel proud to tell….but nobody likes to admit they made a mistake do they? We don’t like to admit that at all.

Can you really just blame Thai women? Did anyone force you to get involved with her?

So if you went to Thailand and met a Thai girl and she turned out to be not the love of your life after all and just a cheap bar girl, or even not a bar girl but just someone who was not really genuine who do you think is really to blame. Can you really just blame Thai women? Did anyone force you to get involved with that woman. What did you go to Thailand for in the first place and where did you go to meet that kind of woman. And if you have only been dealing with your Thai girlfriend online then how much do you really know about her and did you bother to find out?

You see we often only want to believe what we want to believe and see what we want to see. Maybe you, just like many western men really fell in love with the mystical and exotic Thai look and dream of having a young and beautiful Thai girlfriend who can become your wife and soulmate. You know that is hard to find in the West and so when you have the opportunity you just cannot help yourself. Or maybe you went to Thailand for some fun and love so easy with a Thai girl. But how can you tell what type of girl she really is? Maybe you don’t want to believe she is a bad Thai girl and so you choose not to see it, even though it is in fact quite clear what she is and what she wants from you.

I have seen this so many times Farang men get a Thai Girlfriend or a Thai wife and she does not turn out to be genuine or their soul mate and they then complain afterwards about all Thai women being bad.

I have also even heard many talk about Buddhism and how can these their Thai girlfriends do that to us when it is supposed to be a Buddhist country? Well the truth is that before you ask that question you must first understand Buddhism properly. Buddhism is not about avoiding pain and suffering. Buddhism is about acceptance of pain and suffering and the ability to rise above it, to transcend it. Being Thai also does not automatic make you a good Buddhist either.

Someone very close to me said this recently and I want to share it with you:

He said when the western man stands up and says “look I went to Thailand with having a bit of fun in my mind. The girls are so pretty and sure I fell easy for one. I know what they say but I couldn’t help myself and my ego got the better of me. I thought she might change or something. I spent all my cash on her and she asked for more, which I kept giving her because she was so nice. Basically I messed up and let my desire rule my brain and now I learned my lesson. I can’t blame Thai women because it was really down to me” When that man stands up I will shake his hand and say well done mate I think now you might be ready to find a good woman.

This is a very direct perspective and you might guess he is western…haha..no greng jai there but I do agree with it because it is about taking responsibility for your actions. Not hiding from the truth and trying to blame mistakes on other things or people. Yes others are involved but we all have choice and to believe you have no choice only makes you a victim of yourself.

so my friends I will leave you with that now. I want you just to think about that for a while. I will follow up on this post soon but for now I think it says enough. I sincerely hope that if you have a Thai Girlfriend or are thinking about one or have one online although sensitive this post will help you in the long run.

http://thailandmusings.thaivisa.com/why ... irlfriend/

Why Farang Get the Wrong Type of Thai Girlfriend
I see many on here who tell of stories about how they have been cheated by their Thai girlfriend. Some have been left disappointed and confused when their Thai girlfriend just leave them…some have been online and things have broken down, often they have sent them money…some have had relationships where they have lost lots of money, maybe she left when the money ran out…there are many stories like that. And I know many of you reading this have your own story of heartache and pain.

I want to share an honest and open post here with you all. I have spent many months now writing on here and reading your comments, your stories and reactions with much great interest. I have learned a lot by reading them.

I want to ask you why do you think this happened to you? I want to ask you do you feel that it was all her fault and that you had nothing to do with it apart from being there. So you are the victim of a heartless and cruel Thai woman?

I say this not to make you feel bad but because I really always believe that in some way we are always the cause of everything that happens to us. I read so many negative stories and comments which I know many will point to as evidence that Thai women are bad.

But do you think its possible that just some Thai women are bad, just like some western women are bad and some western men are bad and some Thai men are bad and that there might be some reason why you got mixed up with her in the first place? We know that there are Thai women just out to take money, but that does not mean you have to get involved with one.

This doesn’t mean you are bad because you attracted something bad

I believe we attract to us that which we hold inside…this doesn’t mean you are bad because you attracted something bad (although that is possible too) but in some way you attracted it and you took yourself to the place where you could get what you really wanted. You don’t have to be conscious of everything you want for it to happen. Our subconscious mind is in fact much more powerful than our conscious mind and it is that mind that really creates your life.

This is a difficult thing for all of us to accept sometimes because we will say I did not want it to happen but the point is that nothing happens without reason. Where there is cause there is effect and where there is effect there was a cause and in your life you are the cause.

I have written a much deeper article about this on my website and you can read it here if you are interested in this part but I warn you it is very sensitive although I hope it will help in the long run. Read it here at Thai Girlfriend Advisor.

We also know that Western and Asian people are different cultures. We maybe the same underneath with a heart and a soul and a mind but on the surface we are different. We speak different languages. Our environments are often different, our belief systems, our childhoods and our whole way of living. This means we cannot expect too much from each other. We cannot expect each other to change culture because it is all these things that shape us on the surface.

Perhaps what Western people see as one thing Asian people see as another? What is acceptable to us is not acceptable to you and what is acceptable to you is not acceptable to us. From what I see there are many things that we have to accept about each other and not expect about each other because I believe it is this expectation that causes the problems, not just between cultures but in many relationships.

If a man eats green leaves all his life because in his country the green leaf grows and his culture always eats green leaves and then another man from another culture comes along and doesn’t like the green leaf because his culture does not eat it or even like it does that make it wrong to eat green leaves? Perhaps he tries the green leaf and it makes him sick and so now he tells his own culture do not eat green leaf because it makes you sick. But to the first man and his culture it is no problem. But now the second man decides he likes the look of green leaves and wants to eat it because it looks nice so does he now expect to change the taste of it so he can eat it?

I know it’s just a simple analogy but I think sometimes simple analogies are better to point out things and as you may know in Asian culture we like simple proverbs like that.

I will share with you my thoughts that there are many things about Western culture that I must accept to be apart of it. If I am involved with western people and their culture than I must learn to accept and not expect while still retaining respect for my own culture. Some things I do not quite agree with in Western culture because they are different from my own but I realize it is not for me to judge because to western people they are normal.

They are what they are and they have their own reasons for being that way

So for me and in my opinion it is this expectation that can cause many Farang to get caught with the wrong type of Thai woman. First they attract into their lives the situation and the conditions and then they expect to be able to change them. Now please don’t get me wrong. I don’t want you for one moment to think that I accept what some Thai women are like because believe me when I tell you they embarrass me and make me sick but then I cannot put the blame all on them. They are what they are and they have their own reasons for being that way. They will also face their own karma at some point.

What I believe is if you really don’t want to get caught by women like that then simply…don’t get involved with them because that is their way. If you don’t want to get eaten by sharks then don’t swim where sharks are and if eating green leaves makes you sick then don’t eat them.

Everyone has the choice.

As I said I talk even more about this subject in another post so feel free to read on here at Thai Girlfriend Advisor For now I hope you will all stay safe and well and be careful of sharks and green leaves…!

Post by **LoongLee** » March 12, 2011, 10:43 pm

=D> =D> =D> Bravo!

Post by **tamada** » March 14, 2011, 4:39 pm

Strewth jingjai... you will be quoting stickmanbangkok next!

Post by **bigsnake** » March 14, 2011, 10:58 pm

A NO Brainer<>Because she has the most POWERFUL Weapon in the World<>Nesting just below her Waist!! NUFF Said!!

Post by **perrouderic** » April 30, 2011, 2:24 am

I like this speech, it is clear that the majority of the farangs installed in Thailand have fled their ex-wife, and especially a society which has castres! why bad girls, because it is so much easier a find and manage, that of women of character and with a good level of education. For my part I want to say that are eliminated from my criteria women with tattoos , the kids of vingts years while I am 52! then of course it is more complicated, but that worth victories when they are too easy? :-"

Post by **kimhenrix1** » August 24, 2012, 4:05 pm

Bad or not? I married a Thaigirl and it last 3 years. During that period I heard about all those other marriages that had broke and about all those farrang who lost money from investing in houses bought in the wife or mother in laws name. Now, 7 years later, I have still not heard any sunshine story about marriages lasting for a very long time.
What did I do wrong? Yes, like most other I let myself be overwhelmed by a young, beautiful Thaigirl without sticking my finger in the soil to smell the reality. I did not even want to hear all those warnings. Fortunately I never got to start any constructions or other investments in Thailand, so I was spared for loosing money.
But, was she a bad Thaigirl?
I have to say no. She was not really bad, but I was stupid because of my ego that ony saw the benefits of having a younger wife. Well, 20 years difference; how could I believe that any woman's "prince charming" would be that much older than her?
She has remarried, and our daughter lives with me every second week, an my x is one of my best friends.

What I have learned by all those "lovestories" is simply this:
You will not find a woman for a long lasting relationship in girlie-bars in Pattaya, Phuket and other typical tourist places. Those girls you find there have learned/seen the benefits of "easy-money-consepts" and thereby become kind of damaged in their way of seeing a farrang. Love is not at all present. The only thing that matters is to get married to some farrang who will bring them a better future, faster.
So, are they bad? Let me ask you all; if you found a faster and easier way to earn money for your living, and even get a big house with swimmingpool, would you not go for it then? I know I would if it was legal.
Anyway, I guess there are a lot of bad women everywhere, but most of those Thaigirls are not really bad, but not really good for you eighter. They may be see upon as fortune hunters, and that will not be good for any farrang.
I believe that it's hard to find a wife who is really good for me/you in Thailand, and looking for one in tourist places is not the best idea. The best advises I have received is:

Don't marry a bargirl; It's easy to take the girl out of the bar, but not so easy to take the bar out of the girl.

Take your time! You can't know a woman in and out during 3 weeks or by long time internet chat.

If you want a house in Thailand you better build it anywhere else than on your wife's family's land. You must NEVER invest if you are not in control, even after a brakeup. Leasing land is probably the best.

Allways look in a mirror before you hit the nightlife to see if you really are an attractive man/dreamprince for a woman who is 20-30 y younger.

Those are the things I will remember for the rest of my life, because I don't want to go trough the same ---- again. It's kind of sad that i was not willing to learn from other's misstakes that time. Now I have learned.... I think..?

Post by **fatbob** » August 24, 2012, 4:43 pm

You must remember Kimhenrix sometimes you cant take the bar out of the farang. I have heaps of mates in long term relationships, some going over thirty years, your statements are typical bar talk nonsense, try looking after your lady and things may be different, your letter sounds like the normal talk of three year veterans who spend to much time in a bar complaining how it used to be.....I know my first two failed Thai marriages were totally my fault rooting everything and always on the p-ss, worst thing to do is generalize and put people in the same basket as you will end up the loser.

Post by **Henrie** » August 24, 2012, 8:19 pm

In the first place you are alone and want a girlfriend. You meet someone, where bar, street, school other places.
They are all friendly in the beginning. So you think I won the lotery. Could be, Could be not.
You did not met a loney girl, but a whole family and perhaps a whole village in the background.
It depends what she is up to, she wants for herself a better live with financial security from farang, than it will be perhaps a long and good relationship. Is money the ultimate , bad luck for you. In my opinion and experience it is from no importance where you meet your girl, I had them from working university, military hospital, bar and street.
I depends on what they think. Even in Thailand is one plus one two. So to steal, to lie and so on is everywhere the same also in Thailand a bad thing to encounter.
So it is here in Thailand also difficult to find mrs. right. If you found one and I did at last it will be ok for you. But remember also your attitude and actions can make your storry a succes.
And for the boys who where fair in thoughts to give their lady a better live , and where dissapointed in short or long time, remember you wanted the good thing but they understand you. Learn from it, to get a better deal in near future.

Post by **Henrie** » August 24, 2012, 8:25 pm

Last sentence of my post must be: remember you wanted the good thing but they not understand you.

Post by **kjellsnell** » August 24, 2012, 8:38 pm

bigsnake wrote:A NO Brainer<>Because she has the most POWERFUL Weapon in the World<>Nesting just below her Waist!! NUFF Said!!

A smart man know that from his experience and doesnt make the same misstake 2 times....whit that means...dont go nearby that weapon before Ya........can handle it safly

Post by **akwoodworker** » August 25, 2012, 1:28 pm

Met my wife by accident, we are now going on 6 years and even if I wanted couldn't get rid of her. Loyal to the core, most people in her village like me as well as all her family. She is more concerned with a younger woman stealing me away.

Post by **Balthasar G.** » August 25, 2012, 2:31 pm

On Friday evening a falang and his Thai (bargirl?) partner were walking in front of me near the Seven across UD. She was cussing and cursing him at the top of her voice. It was fairly busy in the street, and all the Thais were watching the spectacle with their eyes wide open in amazement and horror. The guy just meekly followed her like a puppy with his head hanging down in shame. She stopped walking from time to time to reiterade her tirade, and every time this guy just stood there like a small schoolboy, without saying a word.
I’ve witnessed this happen a lot in Pattaya and Phuket, but it’s the first time I’ve seen it in Udon.
What is wrong with these guys? Have they lost all sense of self-esteem? Why do they tolerate this humiliation and abuse in a country with such a hugh surpluss of women?
Beats me … :-&

Post by **merchant seaman** » August 25, 2012, 3:45 pm

Easy. She's controlling all the finances. That's all of his finances.

Post by **pienmash** » August 25, 2012, 5:08 pm

I blame the small triangular hairy patch of the female anatomy that seems to bring out the worst in all MEN ,,,

Seriously ,,, in man cases a Thai lady can start out great and be transformed by her penny pincing old wiging grandad like boyfriend or hubby to the extent that they think f***** this if you can beat em join em ,, inturn get rid and finding another newer model ...... or maybe some are just rotten to the core from the start and just out to rip off in any way possible .

6 of one n half a dozen of the other as my gran would say ,,,,,, there are good n bad in all sexes n nationalites IMO .

mash

Post by **bluejets** » August 25, 2012, 6:49 pm

Maybe they have to be bad to be good.

I know when some are asked if it is hard to be good,the reply is,it has to be hard to be good.

Post by **Prenders88** » August 26, 2012, 11:17 am

What's affected my relationship is not the wife, but her family of assorted freeloaders, scammers, drunks, druggies, baby factories, thieves and vandals. The fact she holds a candle to these shytes does not help.
They really are in the gutter, just awful people.

Post by **bigsnake** » September 1, 2012, 9:08 am

Prenders88 wrote:What's affected my relationship is not the wife, but her family of assorted freeloaders, scammers, drunks, druggies, baby factories, thieves and vandals. The fact she holds a candle to these shytes does not help.
They really are in the gutter, just awful people.

BOTTOM LINE<>Folks YOU get what YOU PAY for<>now THINK for a second<>how many FARANGS are married to Thai Women from a WELL to DO Family(Thai Family income over Bt1,000,000 a year) maybe a few, but they are FAR and few between. In WORD "MONEY" Nuff said!!

Post by **Galee** » September 1, 2012, 9:23 am

bigsnake wrote:
Prenders88 wrote:What's affected my relationship is not the wife, but her family of assorted freeloaders, scammers, drunks, druggies, baby factories, thieves and vandals. The fact she holds a candle to these shytes does not help.
They really are in the gutter, just awful people.
BOTTOM LINE<>Folks YOU get what YOU PAY for<>now THINK for a second<>how many FARANGS are married to Thai Women from a WELL to DO Family(Thai Family income over Bt1,000,000 a year) maybe a few, but they are FAR and few between. In WORD "MONEY" Nuff said!!

That's about the most stupid comment I've seen on here for ages.

Post by **bigsnake** » September 1, 2012, 10:20 am

Galee wrote:
bigsnake wrote:
Prenders88 wrote:What's affected my relationship is not the wife, but her family of assorted freeloaders, scammers, drunks, druggies, baby factories, thieves and vandals. The fact she holds a candle to these shytes does not help.
They really are in the gutter, just awful people.
BOTTOM LINE<>Folks YOU get what YOU PAY for<>now THINK for a second<>how many FARANGS are married to Thai Women from a WELL to DO Family(Thai Family income over Bt1,000,000 a year) maybe a few, but they are FAR and few between. In WORD "MONEY" Nuff said!!
That's about the most stupid comment I've seen on here for ages.

Sorry, not into name CALLING, but your said it yourself<>her family or assorted freeloaders, scammers, drunks, etc, if they were well to do they would be troubling the farangs for money, just an opinion, no offense mean to anyone. NUFF SAID!!

Post by **Galee** » September 1, 2012, 11:22 am

bigsnake wrote:
Galee wrote:
bigsnake wrote:
Prenders88 wrote:What's affected my relationship is not the wife, but her family of assorted freeloaders, scammers, drunks, druggies, baby factories, thieves and vandals. The fact she holds a candle to these shytes does not help.
They really are in the gutter, just awful people.
BOTTOM LINE<>Folks YOU get what YOU PAY for<>now THINK for a second<>how many FARANGS are married to Thai Women from a WELL to DO Family(Thai Family income over Bt1,000,000 a year) maybe a few, but they are FAR and few between. In WORD "MONEY" Nuff said!!
That's about the most stupid comment I've seen on here for ages.
Sorry, not into name CALLING, but your said it yourself<>her family or assorted freeloaders, scammers, drunks, etc, if they were well to do they would be troubling the farangs for money, just an opinion, no offense mean to anyone. NUFF SAID!!

First off, you need to differentiate what I said and what prenders posted. Were not the same person.
Nowhere in prenders comment does he mention money. Do you personally know what prenders financial situation is to make an attack on him blaming his lack of money for his situation?.
Think before you make sweeping accusations about another forum member.

NUFF SAID