Moderator Note: comment removed, forum rules

Benzona: Focus on on what matters. Dont allow yourself to be wound up. Engaging in tit for tat comment on this forum will not ease your pain, nor bring you closer to a solution to your problem.

Your problem has no immediate resolution - you are now engaged in a legal process. This process will unfold and "right" and " wrong" will will play little part. It will take time.

I think there is no chance your relationship can be fixed - I think it has gone beyond that. This is not a competition - there is no winner or loser - just the sad realisation that what you thought you you had is gone.

I am not having a go at you you. I have been where you are- it hurts. I think most men our age have been there.

Try not to "win" this issue - you may "win", but it not be much of a victory.

If you cannot reconcile, then i think the next best thing you can do is consider the best outcome is for your child.

Australian courts will always consider the interest of the child - because (i think) they understand that in these situations the parents are not always thinking clearly - they are full of emotion, and emotion is not always rational.

Eventually you will have to reach and "agreement" with your wife - either you will both agree to this, or the court will impose an "agreement".

In between you will both spend a lot of time, energy and emotion on this.

They say "time heals all". In time you will feel better. In between there will be pain. Accept this.

Try not to denigrate your wife - even if you believe she deserves it. It will affect your relationship with your child.

I understand your need an outlet for your feelings - and you must accept that your feelings are at an elevated level now. For that reason it is not a good idea to pour your feelings ou on this forum.

Seeking advice from those who have had a similar experience is a good idea - but I think this will not happpen on an open forum. Maybe better for you to engage in some private emails with those you can offer sound advice.

Focus on access to your child - if your wife ends up staying in Oz, so be it, let her.

Dont allow this forum to fuel your anger - eventually you will have to let that go.

THere is no easy way out of this - make it as painless as possible.

old-timer wrote: Probably because I don't abuse her and have always taken care of things.

OT.................

i bet you have.... a bank account is not love, nor is a pensioner buying viagra from the chemist near the bus station
BOTH ARE ILLUSIONS

isnt it time for your bed bath?

BenZona wrote:

old-timer wrote: Probably because I don't abuse her and have always taken care of things.

OT.................

i bet you have.... a bank account is not love, nor is a pensioner buying viagra from the chemist near the bus station
BOTH ARE ILLUSIONS

isnt it time for your bed bath?

Not the case. Both OT and myself are of the ilk that still go away to work on a rotational basis and return to LOS to care for our families.
Trouble is BZ, you haven't done yourself any favours by turning a sympathy quest into a self-loathing, misogynist rant with little, if any, credibility, and peppered with hatred and vilification. Only yourself to blame.
I would never post on a forum with your mournful rhetoric, and as I mentioned before, this thread of yours is tooo similar to that of the misogynist who lived near Phen 3 or so years ago, whose philandering caught up with him and then tried his best to seek sympathy with UM members with complete lies and fabrication, and then followed with a series of, still, unpaid debts.
Right; I'm off to sweep the leaves in my garden, go for a run and then take the children to school, enjoy the sunny Isaan day and spare a thought for the folk with real problems at the moment, that is the flood victims in the country of my residence.

BenZona wrote: i bet you have.... a bank account is not love, nor is a pensioner buying viagra from the chemist near the bus station
BOTH ARE ILLUSIONS

isnt it time for your bed bath?

An empty Bank account doesn't do you any favours on the romantic side of things as you have found out. As for Viagra, OT started a thread which will explain my antics with that little wonder pill:
http://www.udonmap.com/udonthaniforum/v ... 17154.html


I had a bed bath at Patpong BKK once, very enjoyable it was too.

OT............--------............

Manadon wrote:Ben Zonna, why do you whip these boys? They don;t care. They are locked into their "mind sets" and no one can set them free.When you push them, they will go further into their extremes. Let them go.......keep your door open, if they need and want help, they will come to you.
Some of us here have open minds and hearts, we want to and hope to help you. Please let us help. We are all in the same boat, please don't rock it.

I hear what you are saying, but they are just so easy to manipulate. Ill try to ignore them from now on. I agree with you about the mindset, its quite sad, you see it even when you notice them walking around in Udon. I have good friends that would not be seen within 300m of some of the chumps you talk about.


(Comment removed by moderator)

ronan01 wrote:
Your problem has no immediate resolution - you are now engaged in a legal process. This process will unfold and "right" and " wrong" will will play little part. It will take time.

And i will be patient, as hard as it is, the truth is already coming out.

ronan01 wrote: I think there is no chance your relationship can be fixed - I think it has gone beyond that. This is not a competition - there is no winner or loser - just the sad realisation that what you thought you you had is gone.

Don't get me wrong, there is no chance of us getting back together at all. I accept that and i want it. She lost me the night she forced us to leave the village under threat of death in May when the baby was only 5 days old. Im glad she has gone, this is not about me and her, its about the baby, and what is best for him.

Im a tad gutted that all my plans of the past 2.5 years have done down the visa fraud drainpipe but, life goes on

ronan01 wrote: I am not having a go at you you. I have been where you are- it hurts. I think most men our age have been there.

you dont seem like your having a go at all

ronan01 wrote: Try not to "win" this issue - you may "win", but it not be much of a victory.
If you cannot reconcile, then i think the next best thing you can do is consider the best outcome is for your child.

What is best for him is what this is all about, but unfortunately you do have to "win" in order to get what you think is best for a child in these situations, I was not "boasting" about a win on Tuesday, more relaying the shock of seeing and hearing what i did see and hear.

ronan01 wrote: Australian courts will always consider the interest of the child - because (i think) they understand that in these situations the parents are not always thinking clearly - they are full of emotion, and emotion is not always rational.

Honestly, on that front im having faith in the fact that the court will see her emotions as nothing more than manipulation, lies and fraud, that's what happened on Tuesday, in an astonishing way, how could a judge, who is a lot smarter than you or me, ever trust her in any kind of relationship situation when it comes to me, or my son? I think its pretty much impossible after Tuesdays words

ronan01 wrote: Try not to denigrate your wife - even if you believe she deserves it. It will affect your relationship with your child.

I think ive kept a lid on it fairly well. especially considering what i now know. She is the lowest kind of Human there is, i cant pretend

ronan01 wrote: I understand your need an outlet for your feelings - and you must accept that your feelings are at an elevated level now. For that reason it is not a good idea to pour your feelings ou on this forum. Seeking advice from those who have had a similar experience is a good idea - but I think this will not happpen on an open forum. Maybe better for you to engage in some private emails with those you can offer sound advice.

I do get good advice. I know some very knowledgeable people in relation to family law matters and they keep me on the straight and narrow. This forum means nothing in the real world, Apart from the odd rant on here im actually very calm, because i have to be.

ronan01 wrote: Focus on access to your child - if your wife ends up staying in Oz, so be it, let her.
Dont allow this forum to fuel your anger - eventually you will have to let that go.
THere is no easy way out of this - make it as painless as possible.

I could not care less where she stays, how she lives or who she lives with. My son and my daughter are #1

Thanks for posting guys, Im guessing you are under 75 years of age

To air ones dirty laundry in public is beyond me why someone wants to do this. No spouse abuse?? Maybe not physical but verbal spouse abuse is at times worse, and this guy is definitlly cabable of that and verbal abuse will be passed onto the children. I'm sure the court in Oz will render the right verdict. And I think most of us know what that will be. By the why you can verbally abuse me as much as you want, I acutally enjoy it. And after you get rid of your present wife legally you will most likely come back here and do it all over again.

merchant seaman wrote:To air ones dirty laundry in public is beyond me why someone wants to do this. No spouse abuse?? Maybe not physical but verbal spouse abuse is at times worse, and this guy is definitlly cabable of that and verbal abuse will be passed onto the children. I'm sure the court in Oz will render the right verdict. And I think most of us know what that will be. By the why you can verbally abuse me as much as you want, I acutally enjoy it. And after you get rid of your present wife legally you will most likely come back here and do it all over again.

hahahaha comedy gold direct from the book of hackneyed cliches

Right BenZona; so that's the first line of your previous post out of the window!!
Written proof that the only reason for this whole thread is to antogonise other people with happy and content lives,
Hysterical

I only did this

BenZona wrote:hahahaha comedy gold direct from the book of hackneyed cliches

to get this reaction

Barstool wrote:Right BenZona; so that's the first line of your previous post out of the window!!

(giggle) from someone like you
like i said, easily manipulated..... in the time it takes to skin up a bifta or less

BenZona wrote: the time it takes to skin up a bifta

OT was unsure what a "bifta" was. So via google I found out it was a marajuana roll. Drugs.

So now we have an OP junkie.

OT was quite pleased that another months well overpaid salary is going into his bank account this weekend so I can spoil the wife and kids, a few WFB's and myself. Not particularly in that order. I didn't even get a parking ticket this month.

OT.........

BenZona wrote:I hear what you are saying, but they are just so easy to manipulate.

Troll

BenZona wrote:(Comment removed by moderator)

...again

BenZona wrote:like i said, easily manipulated.....

Troll

Frankie 1 wrote:

BenZona wrote:I hear what you are saying, but they are just so easy to manipulate.

Troll

BenZona wrote:(Comment removed by moderator)

...again

BenZona wrote:like i said, easily manipulated.....

Troll

I don't think so,but if you do,WHY ARE YOU FEEDING HIM?Like to see yourself in print?

old-timer wrote:

BenZona wrote: the time it takes to skin up a bifta

OT was unsure what a "bifta" was. So via google I found out it was a marajuana roll. Drugs.

So now we have an OP junkie.

OT.........

hahaha, fancy having to look that up, that's almost quaintly cute.... sort of like having a record player and a collection of early 78's in you're "things i take to a desert island".... so 19th century...

I bet you drink more alcohol than i put ANYTHING into my body, i dont even drink that.....Anyway, moving away from the octogenarians......

I think my ex sank to a new low yesterday. At this place i am seeing my son, i enquired about if my daughter could come and see him too, they said there would be no problems with that at all but, they also had to ask her.....

when she arrived to collect him, they went and asks her, and she hand wrote a letter saying that my daughter could only see her brother ONCE A MONTH and then gave no reason...

suffice to say her handwritten letter in perfect English is now safely annexured but, in all seriousness, what kind of disgusting person would treat a kid like that, she has no reason whatsoever to deny my daughter a visit to her brother, and in fact both of them (the two kids) have a right to know eachother

This shows just how low this thing is prepared to stoop. I suppose thats my fault as well yes? I guess i should just agree and let her carry on.

:-&

BenZona wrote: when she arrived to collect him, they went and asks her, and she hand wrote a letter saying that my daughter could only see her brother ONCE A MONTH and then gave no reason...

Now I'm really confused, are you saying your ex has the siblings housed in different locations?

BenZona - I'm a bit confused. Earlier this week, you said that at the court hearing concerning the DVO, you won hands down and the your wife dropped all charges.

Now, you just post the following:

BenZona wrote:I think my ex sank to a new low yesterday. At this place i am seeing my son, i enquired about if my daughter could come and see him too, they said there would be no problems with that at all but, they also had to ask her.....when she arrived to collect him, they went and asks her, and she hand wrote a letter saying that my daughter could only see her brother ONCE A MONTH and then gave no reason...

So, it's obvious that you continue to be under court-ordered supervised visits with your son. In a normal situation involving child visitation, no supervision is required.

Care to explain?

Sorry got it! Page 6, the daughter is the OP's not the ex's.

bamakmak wrote:BenZona - I'm a bit confused. Earlier this week, you said that at the court hearing concerning the DVO, you won hands down and the your wife dropped all charges.

So, it's obvious that you continue to be under court-ordered supervised visits with your son. In a normal situation involving child visitation, no supervision is required.

Care to explain?

I would have thought it was quite obvious. Contact places are quite common now for visits involving young children where family violence is ALLEGED (note that word). and thats what there were... allegations now, there are"

1:Two separate court proceedings
2:One was dropped on Tuesday
3:The other one is still ongoing
4:The Court dates in two separate cases do not run one after the other

Unfortunately you cannot rush down to a second court and expect to get a court appearance at short notice. It took me almost two months to get an "emergency" date, well, the date given was two months later. it also takes time for transcripts etc to be made.

I have to be patient, and in the meantime i am more than happy to be observed with my Son. nothing bad can come of that and at least we are seeing each other. These things take time....

And hopefully you are now providing financial assistance. Or are you?

BenZona wrote:I would have thought it was quite obvious.

No, not obvious at all. I'm not sure that you mentioned anywhere previously that there were TWO separate allegations of domestic violence. Perhaps I missed it. You certainly implied that any legal issues concerning domestic violence had been dropped.

bamakmak wrote:

BenZona wrote:I would have thought it was quite obvious.

No, not obvious at all. I'm not sure that you mentioned anywhere previously that there were TWO separate allegations of domestic violence. Perhaps I missed it. You certainly implied that any legal issues concerning domestic violence had been dropped.

and they have... think about it... Ill help you again
1: DV case
2: child case
3: same allegations
3: separate dates
4: waiting

hope that helps